In the last 12 months my wife has travelled to Uganda, Chicago, New York (twice), Atlanta, Los Angeles and San Francisco. In the last 8 years she has hopped on a plane to go somewhere fascinating on average 2-3 times a year. During that time I have travelled with her a grand total of twice. Once on our 10 year anniversary vacation to Mexico in 2013 and to New York last year on one of her many public speaking business trips. I know what you’re thinking, and no my wife is not a serial traveller.
She launched her photography and public speaking business almost a decade ago and it’s opened up amazing opportunities for her to travel around the world to places like Dubai, South Africa, India and many other countries. Add to that, she recently launched her first book and that in itself has paved way for an even bigger platform.
She may not be a household name globally yet, but my wife is very well known in many circles in the country we currently live in. That makes her a celebrity by all accounts, and by default makes me the spouse of a celebrity. A role that some people might say they would want to be in for the benefits, but once you’re in it you might have second thoughts.
If I sound like I’m griping about it, trust me I’m not. Been there, done that, and learned it does nothing for the health of our marriage. Though not easy to do, It takes a particular skill to be the spouse of a recognizable figure at any level. Helping to maintain a public persona for the benefit of your spouse’s career success may not be a job you signed up for initially. Having an awareness of the importance of this role could be the key to achieving a prosperous marriage.
Here are 5 ways to deal with being a celebrity’s spouse:
Be confident. Being the wife or husband of a public figure will almost certainly bring you before many people at many different venues and events. Instead of shrinking down and making the moment too big for you, be prepared to have a subtle confidence within yourself. The easiest way to do this is to ask your spouse as many questions ahead of time about the event and the people you’ll be meeting. This interaction with your spouse should be done in a non-threatening tone. Don’t put too much pressure on your spouse to answer several questions. Be crafty about approaching the conversation. Armed with any amount of information will give you confidence you need when attending outings with your husband and wife.
Always be willing to serve your spouse in some capacity. My wife is very good at being a public speaker but there are other things she’s not so good at. That’s where I step in and assist her when possible. Doing this makes me feel apart of all the interesting things she does throughout her week, and lets her know I’m in full support of elevating her career. Serving your spouse in any way, as long as it’s done with the right intentions, can lead to a stronger unity and intimacy.
Make sure you maintain balance with your spouse. Sometimes the importance of what your spouse has to do seems like it takes over every aspect of your marital and family life. Though this sort of thing comes with the territory of living with a well known personality, it’s vital to keep lines of communication open about the other things that may be going on in your lives. Keep regular date nights. Film your son’s soccer game if your spouse is tied up in an interview he or she can’t get out of. Talk to each other about the little and big plans you have as a couple and family. It’s easier for you as the spouse in the background to keep these conversations alive. Again, communication should be done in a non-threatening, humble manner.
Resist the temptation to be insecure. Simply put, don’t play the victim in your marriage. If you know your spouse is meeting beautiful, interesting people every week, make sure you remind them why they married you in the first place. Keep your romantic swag alive when you are together. Guys, do your best to stay well groomed. Ladies, get your hair and makeup done. Maintain healthy intellectual conversations with each other. Stimulate your spouse in more ways than one (you know what I mean). It’s all about being proactive and not re-active. Don’t give room for insecurity to ruin your relationship.
Spend unapologetic time doing things you like. It’s okay to focus on you. It may not seem like it with all the wonderful things your spouse may be involved in, but it’s true and very necessary. The projects you’re involved in, the goals you’ve set for yourself, the friends you’re looking forward to spending time with, are equally as important. The world may not see it that way, but you need to. And when you do, you’ll experience a whole marriage, where you both take a fond interest in each other’s lives.
Being married to a celebrity has its rewards and challenges. Making it a priority to maintain a healthy marriage will help you keep focus on doing things that will help you get there.